Always
by moonyNZ
Summary: What does Sirius have to do to get the forgiveness he yearns? One Shot.


**Disclaimer, I don't own Harry Potter or Bon Jovi, in fact I have less than ten dollars to my name at the moment…but I do have a collectors edition Slippery When Wet LP ;)**

**A/N: Written for RainyNDawns/Meias/Amayas/FuzzNutz (you really have too many names) songfic challenge. I was given the song, had to include Meia in it and could choose the pairing…I forwent the whole time length of a month thing though ;)**

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

**Always**

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

_This Romeo is bleeding  
But you can't see his blood  
It's nothing but some feelings  
That this old dog kicked up  
_

Sirius watched from the darkness of his corner booth in the muggle restaurant as _He_ pulled out a chair for her to sit in. She smiled up at her dinner partner and Sirius felt his breath hitch. That was his smile. The one she reserved for him and him alone. Or, at least she HAD reserved for him, he sat back, silently watching the pair as his mind flashed backwards through painful memories.

_It's been raining since you left me  
Now I'm drowning in the flood  
You see I've always been a fighter  
But without you I give up_

"Hermione, Love…you can't leave!" Sirius pleaded following the witch around their small flat as Hermione picked up items that belonged to her. He noted with a jolt that she wouldn't touch the framed pictures of them only picking up a single frame with her and Harry in it. She was leaving them behind, leaving them to add to the heart rendering pain already ripping through his chest.

"I can't stay with you Sirius, you know that." She said quietly making her way back to their room. His room now, he supposed, she hadn't slept in the same bed with him since the night before the final battle.

"So you're just giving up?" Sirius questioned as he followed her into the room, "You won't even talk to me about it, please just sit and talk to me, I can't lose you too."

She looked up at him and sorrowful chocolate eyes met agonizing grey. "I'm sorry, Sirius." She whispered as she shrunk her trunk and slipped it into her robe pocket. Picking up her wand she walked silently out of the room.

Sirius sunk onto the bed as his knees gave out with the sounding of the front door gently clicking behind her.

_Now I can't sing a love song  
Like the way it's meant to be  
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore  
But baby, that's just me_

There had been happier times for the pair, in the years following Hermione's history making rescue of Sirius from the veil to that fateful final battle, they had been happy. The most fun for Sirius was the chase. She had been hard to snare but he was persistent, Remus had even commented on the similarities between the pair and James and Lily.

She'd given in eventually; all it took was a grand piano, a room full of candles and a song. That was one of the happiest nights of his life, bar the next two years the pair spent their nights together.

_And I will love you, baby - Always  
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always  
I'll be there till the stars don't shine  
Till the heavens burst and  
The words don't rhyme  
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind  
And I'll love you - Always_

He'd fallen for her, and he'd fallen hard. When she walked into a crowded room there was no one else there as his eyes followed her every move, waiting for that moment she looked up and met his own eyes. Her smile when their eyes met was his. It belonged to him. She gave it to no one else. And he loved her for it.

It was that love that was presently tearing him down the middle. He watched the pair order. He knew exactly what she'd get. A glass of water, shiraz if the occasion was special (he so hoped she'd order a water), followed by a salad and a pasta dish for her mains and a chocolate mousse for desert. He hated knowing her so intimately like this and not able to be close to her.

_Now your pictures that you left behind  
Are just memories of a different life  
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry   
One that made you have to say goodbye  
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair  
To touch your lips, to hold you near   
When you say your prayers try to understand  
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man  
_

Their apartment…no, it was just his now, had not changed one bit since she'd left. Literally, dust collected on the furniture and the post sat unopened at the door as Sirius spent his nights staring at photographs while he drowned his pain in a bottle or three of firewhiskey.

His favourite photo took pride and place on the mantle; Remus had taken it the previous Christmas at the Burrow. She was in jeans and a cream woollen sweater, her curls framing her face as she smiled down at him from her position on his lap. The couple in the picture had no idea Remus was stalking them with his camera, nor did they realise what was in store for them less than a year later. It was supposed to be like that forever.

But that was all torn away that fateful night.

Sirius had made a choice. He'd followed his heart as wizards and witches fell around them, screams echoing through the night as spells lit up the field outside Hogwarts. He could see both of them, in the middle, fighting together as always. The Golden Trio.

He watched in fascination as the three of them simultaneously shot a spell from their wands. The three different coloured lights, blue from Hermione, yellow from Ron and red from Harry, met in midair and twisted around each other before hitting Voldemorts chest.

The Death Eaters turned then. Attacking the trio with vigour as their Dark Lord screamed in agony, bright white lights emitting from his eyes and mouth before he was no more.

Ron was the first to fall under the onslaught, catching a green beam of light meant for Harry.

Sirius knew it would come down to a choice. He had to help one of them, neither would leave the other. Nearing the two Sirius saw two green beams of light shoot from behind Hermione and Harry, neither saw them coming even as Sirius cried out in warning.

He dove desperately and tackled her to the ground as the green light shot overhead. He pulled back slightly and looked down at her shocked brown eyes to make sure she was alright.

She looked to the left and he followed her gaze. Standing beside them was Harry, his eyes were blank and lifeless but he was still standing.

"Harry?" Hermione breathed pushing her lover off her to stand next to her best friend.

He glanced at her, his green eyes flashing slightly in recognition before he crumpled to the ground.

She never forgave him.

Never forgave him for choosing her over Harry.

_When he holds you close, when he pulls you near  
When he says the words you've been needing to hear  
I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine  
To say to you till the end of time_

He wondered if she still cried herself to sleep at night. He remembered that, hearing her sobs from their guest room down the hall. He'd go in to her. He couldn't help it; he couldn't bear to see her in pain. He would hold her till her tears subsided and she fell asleep in his arms. Sirius relished these moments. It was the only time he could hold the woman he loved close without her protesting and shrinking away.

He wondered if the blonde at the table with her now comforted her like he used to. He hoped he did.

_Yeah, I will love you baby - Always  
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always_

_If you told me to cry for you  
I could  
If you told me to die for you  
I would  
Take a look at my face   
There's no price I won't pay  
To say these words to you_

Sirius had visited her once. Her eyes had clouded over as soon as she had opened the door. For a brief moment he saw that flicker of love in her eyes that she used to show him completely. But she'd blinked and it was gone. His actions that night outweighed any feelings she had had for him, or any that she still may have possessed.

He had lost his nerve then; he couldn't take her looking at him like that so he left. She hadn't called him back as he descended the stairs of her new flat, and he wasn't sure what he would have done if she had.

_Well, there ain't no luck  
In these loaded dice  
But baby if you give me just one more try  
We can pack up our old dreams  
And our old lives  
We'll find a place where the sun still shines_

Sirius blinked as he saw Hermione order the shiraz and he knew then he wouldn't get another chance.

"She still loves you."

Sirius glanced up at the muggle woman who placed another drink in front of him. He and Hermione had been regulars here and the staff had begun to get to know the couple well.

"Love isn't enough in this case Meia," Sirius said not taking his eyes off Hermione as he picked up his glass, "I think right now I need her forgiveness more than her love, and I'm not going to get either any time soon."

"They're only friends, you do know that don't you?" The woman next to him asked.

Sirius glanced up curiously at the Meia as if she knew something he didn't. He opened his mouth to answer when a ragged man walked into the restaurant.

"Shit." Meia exclaimed.

"Problem customer?" Sirius asked watching the muggle as he took a seat at the bar.

"You could say that." Meia answered before heading for the bar and the rather distressed waitress standing behind it.

_And I will love you, baby - Always  
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always  
I'll be there till the stars don't shine  
Till the heavens burst and  
The words don't rhyme  
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind  
_

Eyes on Hermione, the only indication Sirius got that there was a problem was the screams from at the bar. His dark eyes flickered over to see the ragged muggle holding a gun. Sirius stared at the object in his hands for a moment, he'd seen pictures but never had he laid eyes on the muggle weapon.

Eyes glancing back at Hermione he could see the slight panic in her eyes. Next to her Draco just looked confused.

Standing slowly Sirius shifted his eyes back to the muggle with the gun, he didn't draw his wand, there were after all only three wizards in the restaurant, and he didn't want to add to the growing panic.

The man waved the gun around drunkenly and Sirius slipped out of the booth.

The world began to move in slow motion as a loud bang echoed through the building and Sirius felt his feet move with instinct.

The shiraz bottle was the first victim, the bullet slicing clean through the glass sending deep red liquid and green shards through the air.

The next thing Sirius knew he was on the ground on top of Hermione, again looking down into her chocolate eyes.

"Sirius?" she whispered, shocked at his sudden appearance.

Sirius opened his mouth to reply but a searing pain through his chest caused him to fall to the side.

"Sirius!" Hermione repeated, more panic in her voice now than shock.

She cradled his head in her lap as he felt a trickle of blood flow out from the corner of his mouth.

"God." Hermione exclaimed, "Someone get some help!"

On the other side of him Draco surreptitiously slipped out his wand and tried to heal the wound in Sirius' chest.

Sirius just looked up at Hermione opening his mouth, trying to say her name.

"Shhh, Sirius," she whispered, "Don't try to talk, you'll be alright, we're going to get you some help."

Sirius felt Draco apply pressure to his chest in an attempt to stop the bleeding but he held Hermione's gaze as tears fell from her eyes.

"I'm sorry Sirius, Merlin I'm so sorry."

Sirius slowly shook his head, she'd done nothing wrong, he just needed one more thing from her.

Hermione sobbed as she realised what he wanted. "No, Sirius, I can't, you have to get through this first."

Sirius' mouth formed a small smile, he knew there was no chance, they couldn't get him to St Mungos safely, his injuries were too substantial for either apparition or portkey.

"Don't you give up Sirius Black!" Hermione snapped, "Please."

Sirius slowly raised his hand and touched her face, his eyes pleading.

Hermione closed her eyes, as she felt his fingers on her tear stained face, and she nodded, opening her eyes again to look down at him.

"I forgive you Sirius." She whispered.

Sirius smiled and glanced at Draco, who nodded, understanding the silent request that passed between the two wizards.

Hermione looked back and forth between her friend and the man she loved in confusion. "What? No, Sirius, you cant…I need you, please."

Sirius looked back at Hermione, the apology evident in his grey eyes as he reached up and gently pushed Draco's hand away from his chest.

"No, Sirius…no, please, no…no no." Hermione pleaded bringing her face near his, sobs racking her body. In the background flashing red lights pierced through the restaurant windows.

Sirius held eye contact with Hermione as he grew cold, the world quieting peacefully around him.

"I love you." She whispered as he felt his last breath escape his mouth, "I always have."

_And I'll love you – Always_

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**BLOODY ANGSTY SONG! Note: I didn't get to choose the song; that was done for me. I hope its angsty enough I tried to make it that way…..I also tried to make it in time with the song but I wanted too much detail…and now my internet connection isn't working….damn.**


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